So I've been going back and forth as to whether I should blog about this and I decided I should. I should because people will get it if my office door is closed more often the next week or so. I should so that I don't have to tell everyone separately. And mostly I should because nobody ever talks about it.
This weekend I had a miscarriage. We were expecting our first little one and had only told family as we didn't want to tell the world until we were out of the "danger zone" (1st trimester). We were scheduled to go in yesterday for our 7-8 week initial appointment, but on Sunday we went to the ER when I started spotting and cramping (sorry if that is TMI) and between Sunday and our appointment yesterday we lost it.
I think for me so far it's still setting in. It's still setting in when I woke up this morning and remembered I'm not pregnant anymore. It set in last night when I took a sip of wine at dinner and got teary eyed because I didn't think I'd be having a glass of wine for another 7 months.
On the bright side (for lack of a better phrase) we were told that we can start trying again right away and I seem to be (physically) bouncing back quickly and that it's not likely to happen again.
So I guess my goal for today is to let all the mommies who've been through it or will go through it someday know that it's totally ok to get a little sad when you see a pregnant lady at the grocery store, or to shut the door and cry for a minute or 2 for no reason other than you just feel sad. Know that when people tell you that "everything happens for a reason" and "it just wasn't your time" or "you can try again" they are saying it because they love you and they have no idea what else to say. And even though that doesn't make it hurt any less it is in fact, true.
It also reminds me to continue to pray fervently for friends of ours who are currently expecting, for friends who have had to experience this same heartache of miscarriage time and time again, for friends who have had to experience the heartache of infertility, and for friends who have had to experience the unimaginable loss of a child.
Sorry if I was a Debbie-downer today but I just had to get that out. It's my blog and today I'm a sad panda. If you need a post-depressing-blog pick me up...I highly recommend this.......
I'll let you know Friday how our first week of March Madness went.