Workin' 9 to 5

Well most days anyway.

I know everyone has their own feelings about working versus staying at home with the kids and let me tell you as a mom who has now tried both... Don't let anybody's opinion or what works for someone else's family let you feel guilty, second guess your decisions, or feel less of a super mom. I'm not here to knock anyone's choice, only to share how we made our choices.

If you work 40+ hours a week and come home and love on your kids- you are super mom.

If you stay at home and feed your kid every meal and change every diaper - you are super mom.

If you work part time and take your kiddo to MDO so you can have some sanity and everyone's better for it - you are super mom.

To work or not to work was the hot topic all during my pregnancy. At the time, the hubs was working in a position that demanded the regular 40 hour workweek plus at least 3 nights a week of events that would put him home at or after 9 pm. My job in the alumni office was somewhat similar in that I was in the office during the regular week and my after hours events were more like once a week unless it was homecoming, commencement or auction weekend, then the only off hours were when I was sleeping. We didn't have family close and we lived and worked in a small town with few daycare options. We both loved our jobs but felt that if we both worked we'd have our daughter in daycare/nanny care 40 hours a week + several nights and weekends which we were not comfortable with, so we decided that I would quit my job after the baby came and stay home.

It was the most fun, challenging, emotionally draining year I've ever spent. I loved the fact that I got to be with my daughter all day, I got to feed her change her be sure she was getting plenty of attention, cuddles and playtime. I also hated it. Staying home, not my kid people. I went from working full time, having an income, work identity, friends- to sitting at home. all. day. long. with someone who couldn't communicate with me the way I needed to be communicated with. It was very lonely for me. (It didn't help that the first 4 months of B's life were during the coldest, rainiest part of the year) Most of my friends/co-workers either didn't have kids or their children were already grown. I joined a few mommy groups and while those were wonderful, they were all in bigger cities that I had to make a 30 minute drive each way, which with an infant's schedule makes for a big undertaking.

Once I figured out I had post-partum anxiety I realized more than ever that I needed to have something to keep me from over-thinking and freaking out about every single thing. But how could anyone take care and love my baby the way I do? Truth is they can't. Nothing beats mom. But I also know that when mommy is healthy and happy then kids are healthy and happy. I knew that I wanted to go back part time. It would give me a chance to have something of my own and contribute financially to the family piggy bank and it'd be great for Brooklyn to start learning social skills and interacting with other tots a few days a week.

I had been looking for something part-time since we moved back to Texas back in September. I interviewed for a few jobs, got rejected twice and turned down one opportunity. I only applied for 2 full time positions. If you are going to ask me to be away from my kid 40 hours a week I better be gung ho about the job. No mediocre here. Finding something part time proved to be harder than I thought. Sure I could always wait tables a few days a week. But it's not just about income- I needed something that is mentally stimulating and after waiting tables throughout college I am well aware that I can do that with my eyes closed. So a day after submitting my resume for a full time gig with a local non-profit. I was sitting in an interview with the Executive Director. Three days later I had the job.

I've been at my job a month and I still have mixed feelings to be honest. I went into this saying that I am going to give it a solid 8-12 weeks to take it all in and let us all adjust.  There are lots of positives. Brooklyn no longer cries when I drop her off at her school. I can tell she's learning new things both physically, mentally and socially from the other 4 kids in her class. She has 2 wonderful teachers who teach her songs, rock her for an hour when she's having trouble napping, and who will be silly with her during playtime. I have less general anxiety, more adults to talk to, and a sense that I am needed and appreciated for the skills and knowledge that my education and career have taught me. Daniel is just glad I'm not on the verge of a massive panic attack every other week :)

Her first day of "school"

On the other hand, I still feel a sense of guilt - like I'm choosing work over my daughter which I know I shouldn't feel- but it's there. I still feel like full time is a lot - I feel like I'm constantly planning ahead - the weeks dinners, work schedules and who's picking Brooklyn up on which day. When can I squeeze in a haircut? Will Daniel be out of town this day? When can we try out a Lifegroup? I feel like I play with her in the morning for a bit (I don't go in til 9), take her to school, pick her up, come home to get dinner started while she plays, we eat and then 30 minutes later she's going to bed and then I spend the next hour doing dishes, packing lunches, sorting laundry, you get the picture. I often feel jipped. Like I didn't get the quality time I wanted with my daughter or husband. I worry about if/when we have a 2nd how will I be able to return to work after 6 or 8 weeks? I mean I got a whole year with B. Ladies always tell me "They're only little once." or "You only have that short 5 years before they go to school then you can work all you want." I wrestle with those phrases every week.

She was at Nana & Papaw's one day so we got to send pics!

Anywho, my intention certainly wasn't to write a novel as it appears has happened, but rather to document this change, this decision, and the flood of feelings that comes along with it. As a whole I feel like I'm handling it waaaaay better that I imagined I would, but still have lots of feelings I'm wrestling with.

Playing dress up

This weekend was the 25th Annual Athletic Auction for our athletic department. It's the biggest fundraiser we do each year to raise money for student-athlete scholarships. It's a fun event to attend for many reasons but my favorite is because it's a great excuse to get all dolled up! :)

I brought my camera for 1 reason and 1 reason only- to get a picture of me and my husband together, not in sweats.

I love my DSLR becuase it takes some amazing pics but on the other hand not many folks know how to operate one. Inveitably I end up never being in any of my pics unless I can beg a stranger to hang around while I adjust settings then try to explain that no the screen isn't broken, you actually have to put your eye to the viewfinder.

 Luckily my work peeps are not only pretty, but they are also good camera button pushers. So I got pictures of all my girls looking stellar and even snagged a couple of some of our student athletes who were there.

I asked for a silly pic and this is what I got :)

Unfortunately, the only pic that was way outta focus was ............

wait for it .............

this one.......

oh well, maybe next year! 

Mele Kalikimaka

..ok so I know "Merry Christmas" isn't appropriate but every time I think of Hawaii I think of Bing Crosby singing that song in the background while Chevy Chase daydreams about his pool in the movie Christmas Vacation! "Mele Kalikimaka is the thing to say, on a bright Hawaiian Christmas day.....that's the island greeting that we send to you from the land where palm trees swaaaaayy...."

Weird. I know. Deal with it.

So my 42 hours in Hawaii was interesting. It's never smooth sailing when I'm involved.

At first, I thought I was having a stroke of good luck. I left the house 15 minutes earlier than scheduled (which, by the way, was 4:30 am). I was surrounded by 2 year olds (the row in front beside and behind...oh and a baby- baby 2 or 3 rows up) that were actually really quiet and cute. ALL of my luggage made it, a cab was empty and waiting when I walked out to the taxi booth and my room was ready when I got to the hotel (3 hours before the "check-in" time). Who's winning now Charlie Sheen?!?

I immediately unloaded luggage, grabbed my camera and sunglasses, and headed across the street to the beach to take some pics and grab lunch by the water. I headed down the beach about 100 yards from the hotel and then it happened.

My flip flop broke.

I only brought 1 pair. The other shoes I'd brought aren't "walk around beach friendly". I was closer to an ABC Store than the hotel so I figured I'd pop in, buy another pair, and keep on rockin' cause I'm a roll with the punches kind of gal. ABC stores are like a Hawaiian gift shop meets Walgreens. And they. are. everywhere!! (think: Duane Reade or Starbucks in NYC kinda everywhere)

When the not-so-trusty flip flop broke, I was walking along the beach just close enough so the waves brushed over my feet. When I bent over to take the broken shoe off (because hobbling around with a broken flippy floppy was not an option) the mother of all waves decided to roll in and soaked the bottom 1/3 of my brand new Nordy's dress. (Did I mention it was über thin and part of it is cream colored??) And no, I wasn't wearing a swimsuit underneath.

I was mortified. Then I realized I had on more clothes than...oh....everyone else on the beach and decided to own my new disheveled look. 10 Minutes later I'd purchased a $7.00 pair of flip flops and the dress was dry, so I decided to walk down Kalakaua Ave. which it turns out is like Waikiki beach's Rodeo Dr.

I'm 4 blocks in to my window shopping, literally standing in a hallway between Marc Jacobs and Céline drooling over the amazing bags that I will never be able to afford....and.....yep. You guessed it.

My damn flip flop broke.

The brand new (albeit- cheap) flip flops I have been wearing for 45 minutes at this point, friggin' broke.

Except this time there wasn't an ABC across the street. I was surrounded by Louis Vuitton, Salvatore Ferragamo, Marc Jacobs, Céline, Coach and a security guard who found my plight humorous. I officially went from $7.99 flip flops to $799.00 designer shoes. I personally think God was telling me to make an investment purchase, but I'm sure my husband would say God was treating me to a lesson in humility.

So I attempted to walk back down the street towards the hotel looking for the next gift/surf shop in hopes of some non-designer priced sandals. Lo and behold another ABC. The man at the cash register wasn't down with my "I just bought these crap flip flops and they broke" story, possibly because I am a moron and threw the receipt away with my 1st pair of broken shoes outside the first ABC store I was in 4 or so blocks down the street.  You're killin' me smalls!!

By this point I'd given up hope of grabbing lunch at a cute Hawaiian eatery, there would be no catch of the day, no salad topped with local fruits...I picked up some fries from the McD's across from my hotel on my deflated walk back in my 3rd pair of shoes for the day.

Luckily the rest of the trip went well. We had an nice event, met some wonderful alumni (who by the way like bringing gifts, one of which was this fresh Hawaiian bread with blueberries and cream cheese that I couldn't stop eating) and got to hang out with some fun people from a few different departments on campus.

Next time I head to the islands - I'll be sure to bring extra beachwear.

Pack Rat

So I'm going to Hawaii for work this weekend.

Don't be too jealous. I will literally be in Hawaii for a total of 42 hours.

I am an alumni director and our office (aka me) hosts regional events for our alums. Most of these events are usually within driving distance so packing up boxes of University "logo-ed" giveaways, laptops, projectors, screens, extension cords, RSVP lists, name tags, pens, flash drives is as easy as - toss it on the cart, wheel it to my car, and skedaddle. Easy enough.

I experienced my first non-clothing packing panic.

This "regional" event is a six hour plane ride all by my lonesome with my luggage annnnd all the alumni stuff  not to mention the airline bag fees that come along with it. Luckily Alaskan Airlines has cheap bag fees (yay!)

I thought about shipping my supplies but the cost to ship a bunch of stuff there and 1/2 that same amount back (since I'm bringing giveaways), have it all arrive on time and not broken, and be able to pack it up and ship it back 1 day later was just too scary for a paranoid over planner like me to handle.

So the stuff is coming with me. Problem is- I've never had limited packing space for an event and was quickly slapped with the dilemma of possibly reducing my cargo. So I did what any gal would do and got a bigger suitcase! :) I brought the largest friggin' suitcase I had and analyzed the goods. What was priority and what could stay? Hmmmmm. None of it! None of it could stay at the office. Ok, so the extension cord can stay but literally everything else needs to come with me!

So I packed and repacked and maneuvered and squished and finally got it all in there! Now to see if it's under 50 lbs......

Insanity

This is what insanity looks like......

"What? Christmas eve is a week from today?!?! How'd that happen??"

I'm attempting to get dates and locations secured for our 5 alumni events in 5 different cities (one being Honolulu) for this spring... All before I close up shop for the holidays. My desk has been my command center of calendars, notes on each potential venue, budgets, yada, yada, yada. I came in and realized I'm going bonkers because my desk looks stressed out. 

Guess who's gonna be paper shredding and folderizing on her lunch hour??