Thursday, August 11, 2011

Why can't the stork drop off the baby?

Yesterday we had our evening all planned out. You see, the 2nd Wednesday of every month our hospital hosts a "Come check us out" information session and tour of the L&D wing. Seeing as my due date is Jan 7th we really only had 5 chances to go and with fall sports approaching for Daniel and homecoming planning for me, I figured if we didn't go this month we wouldn't go at all.

I assumed it'd be a quick tour where they show you around the L&D to familiarize you with the place and share some tips etc. Easy Peasy. I was not prepared for what we I experienced.

First of all, of the 6 preggo women and their spouses/ kiddos who were there I was the only one who wasn't about to give birth at any moment, in fact, I don't really have a "bump" yet, so I got the stink eye a few times. Secondly, every lady in there had a toddler in tow or mentioned their little one was at a sitter, I was the only 1st timer there (oh and should I even bother to remind you of my gargantuan fear of hospitals?).

The L&D nurse started the session with information. Lots of information. Like, I should have brought a court reporter information.
L&D nurse :"Who's pre-admitted?" me whispering to Daniel: "What's pre-admitted"
L&D : "How many of you have selected your pediatrician?"  me: "uuuummmmm"
L&D : "Who has a birth plan?"  me: "Try not to die or pass out. Does that count?"

Then she starts in on security. While I think it's pretty awesome, getting in to this L&D wing is like trying to get into Fort Knox. Strict visiting hours, only certain elevators go to that floor, no walking babies in hallways, something about only 3 purple bracelets, every visitor having to check in, I could go on.

That part while overwhelming, was the easy part, we were in a little conference room. The next part is where it got dicey. She takes us all up to L&D and we begin to tour the floor - L&D rooms, recovery rooms, nursery.

When I go to a hospital to visit someone I'm never standing up for more than 3 minutes.

Front door to elevator to room.


I can feel queasy and sit. I'm a professional at that. That's how I cope with my "hospitals make me pass out" problem. You are less likely to pass out while seated than standing. This tour was 30 minutes of standing and walking in a hospital, while discussing things like c-sections, weird machines, what happens if something's wrong with baby, and needles. It didn't help that the crazy lady with 2 doulas and a midwife who also wanted her entire extended family in the room for delivery was asking questions about everything and asking the nurse to pull out every machine the hospital has, and questioning every hospital policy.

First stop, L&D room- I was queasy, second stop recovery room- I was queasy and a little dizzy, by the time we got to the nursery and they were discussing what happens if your infant has to be care flighted, I literally had to sit on the floor and fan myself while thinking about shopping, purses and tropical beaches to keep from passing out. 

Ten minutes later as the tour ended and we were walking to the car, my face regaining color as I breathe in the fresh non-hospital air, Daniel turns to me and says "Now how do you plan on doing this in 5 months?" My answer was "In 5 months, there will be no walking, no 20 questions lady, and will be in too much pain to care."

Glad my husband loves me and my neurosis.


  1. Great post! My mother in law says...Only God would know to make you so miserable and uncomfortable in your last month of pregnancy that you will do ANYTHING to get that baby out...including going voluntarily into a hospital! LOL

  2. Haynay is so right! That last month feels like it should have been over the month before! It might even "cure" your phobia to be in the hospital. It better 'cause you will have to be there for 3 days after it's all over! Hmm..... are you sure you don't want to do it at a birthing center or home? I have no fear but, I actually wanted to stay longer. Nothing beats being waited on, baby brought to you for feedings only, professional medical people at a second's notice especially when you just spent 14 hours (of witch half was full on labor)trying to get it out.
    I know you can do it. You rock!

  3. Danielle said it best! After birthing four boys myself, the 3 day stay is wonderful. Once you are in full out labor, your hospital phobia will seem like nothing....Love your blogs!


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