Tuesday, September 28, 2010

the "B" word

The idea of having children always starts out so easy, so simple. As a little girl we play dress up and house with our dolls that don't talk back, have good manners, don't eat or potty, and don't need health insurance or go to college .

Kids?!?

Piece of cake.

....and then we grow up. We realize that this kid idea is hard, hard work-not to mention very expensive.
 
When we got married 2 years ago our baby conversation consisted of the following:

(sees cute baby in stroller)
Me: "We're sooo not ready for that"

D: " We have lots of adventures to go on before that"

or.......

(sees cute baby in stroller)
Me: "Can you imagine being responsible for one of those? I mean once you have a baby you can never go on a date alone without a sitter. You have to feed them and clean them, make sure they don't get hurt, and send them to college. What if our kid is the mean kid? What if our kid is the one that gets made fun of?"

D: "Made fun of...That's the more likely scenario"

Me: "What if our kid does drugs, or is socially awkward, or hates school, or is a mass murderer, or is the annoying kid in class? I think I can safely assume that Timothy McVeigh's mother probably wasn't dreaming of how her son would grow up to be the mastermind behind the OKC bombing. I'm sure she would have preferred a dentist, a garbage man, even a homeless guy.... what if our kid has no friends? What if we have a little Lindsay Lohan?"

D: "Ummmm... we're never having children."

Me: "Agreed. Case closed."

Now that we're a little older and have had a chance to be married people for a bit, the discussions are getting longer and less dramatic (well sort of....keep in mind yours truly will always be the over-analyzer). We both adore kids and both have always wanted kiddos of our own. Are we physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually ready to have children? Will we even be able to have kids? What a HUGE responsibility God gives us as a parent, whether by birth or adoption, to teach, provide for, discipline, pray for and love unconditionally a child.

 For a planner/ chicken/ worry-wart like me there are a bazillion questions, fears (one particularly being hospitals, needles and blood..I see fainting in my future), and what ifs. So maybe we aren't ready this very second, but one day- maybe next month, maybe next decade....we will be.

Since I have no munchkins of my own to show off (we don't even have a pet to brag about!) I'll leave you with the munchkins who I miss like crazy, who I simply adore watching grow and learn....my niece and nephews.








7 comments:

  1. Adrienne my dear, you are so dramatic. With that said, I will say that you are a great writer. I can totally see you and Daniel having these conversations. I can promise you that you and Daniel will not have a Lindsay Lohan or Timothy McVeigh--though sadly I can not assure you that your child will ever be a great dancer--but we all know that no one can top my dancing skills; it would be unfair for you to ever compare their skills to mine.

    You know I am not a "religious" per-say, but I believe in energy and trust. I also believe that those who do well for others are given the greatest gifts in return. Have faith that you and Daniel will be excellent parents, and when the time is right for you guys, you will embrace the gift of parenthood.

    This has suddenly become a mushy post...uuggghh. Now, with all of this said, hurry up and go get a puppy so I can puppy sit!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Those thoughts and conversations still haunt me 7 years after the birth of my daugter (the loveley girl pictured above with her handsome "cousins"). I am sure they will still cross my mind until the day I pass on. She is a great kid! What if I screw up that one special time and somehow scars her for life? What if we didnt give her the right opportunities or no encourage her enough. What if we encourage her too much and she get a (bigger) ego complex or sees it as "smothering" her and she rebels and goes phsycho chick! UGHHHH! No matter what, it's a tiring journey that is kept fueled by the joy of seeing these tiny miracles grow and the hope of what they will grow into.

    Love You!
    - your Sister

    ReplyDelete
  3. Those thoughts and conversations still haunt me 7 years after the birth of my daugter (the loveley girl pictured above with her handsome "cousins"). I am sure they will still cross my mind until the day I pass on. Sure, she is a great kid! But. . . What if I screw up that one special time and somehow scars her for life? What if we didnt give her the right opportunities or not encourage her enough. What if we encourage her too much and she gets an (bigger) ego complex or sees it as "smothering" her and she rebels and goes phsycho chick! UGHHHH! No matter what, it's a tiring journey that is kept fueled by the joy of seeing these tiny miracles grow and the hope of what they will grow into.

    Love You!
    - your Sister

    ReplyDelete
  4. Having children is a tough decision. There are many things you could worry about, such as whether or not your child gets picked on or becomes the bully or if a child will succeed or not. You will know when the time is right and your love, spirituality, ethics, and parents will help you along the way...

    JoAnne

    ReplyDelete
  5. i think it's so sweet. knowing that we have had this conversation and how it went. both of us saying "uhhh, no." did you have a dream about having a baby? i was the happiest i had ever been in that dream. yet, i'm still terrified with ALL of that you have listed and then some. the horror stories about what can happen during birth at the hospital. etc, etc,... but i think it's a sweet thought. and you would make an amazing mommy! and D would be a great dad.

    ReplyDelete
  6. p.s. i have been meaning to blog about my fur child.

    ReplyDelete
  7. hahaha Adrienne you are hilarious! I think these thoughts run through all of our minds. (All of us worriers at least!) You guys will make great parents when the time is right. And in the meantime, looks like you've got some pretty great nephews and niece! When I hang out with my nephew sometimes I walk away thinking "I can't wait to have kids!" and other times I think "Thank GOD he belongs to my sister." HAHA. =) I love reading your blog, keep it up!!

    ReplyDelete

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