Thursday, December 9, 2010

The awkward phase

While looking for the photographic evidence of my "mom cut" last week (if you missed that one see here) I stumbled across several unflattering pictures of myself as an adolescent and was reminded of what most people refer to as the "awkward phase."

You know that phase that every kid goes through where you're missing teeth, or your head hasn't grown to match the proportion of your ears, or the pre-braces buck teeth and pre- contacts coke bottle glasses with the neck strap so you don't lose them on the playground. That phase.

I realized while perusing these photos that my awkward phase was intensified by the fact that I was a child of the 80's /early 90's. That fact alone automatically intensifies any awkward phase by at least 150%. Oh sure, we're all "cute" until the baby teeth come out and the new ones are growing in all big and crooked, then it's all downhill until the braces come off. See proof below.

still had the baby teeth

...and then this happened...geesh!

Then I started thinking about the lucky ones...the "Disney kids" I like to call 'em. You know the special few girls you grew up with who were always perfect looking? The ones who looked like a barbie doll & whose body parts all came in at the right time and in normal proportion?  Based on the evidence above, that was not me. I was completely flat chested until like ohhhh 10th grade - the neighborhood boys used to point out that I hadn't been blessed on a regular basis. Then the summer between 9th and 10th God thought it'd be funny to finally "bless" me. So the guys in my grade then spent the rest of high school pointing out how big my boobs were (as if I didn't already know!). I digress. 

You see - the actual "Disney kids"(see below) are like freaks of nature. Disney goes out and finds the 2% of the population that by some combination of insane genetics and a flat out miracle has managed to avoid the awkward phase all together. These alien children don't need braces because their teeth come in looking like a Colgate models. Their skin is perfectly sun-kissed and maybe get 1 zit every three months. And glasses?!?!? Disney kids wear glasses to compliment their outfit, not to oh, I don't know... the chalkboard!!!

 See where my term comes from??? I mean, seriously?!?!

Of course while these kiddos my not have any physical flaws, some of them sure know who to rack up a tab in rehab *cough*lindsaylohan*cough*!

All that just to let you know how unfair I think it is for any kid to not have to go through the awkward phase. And also because I think it's therapeutic to share my awkwardness with you! I think I turned out alright...right? Right?!?!


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