Vaguebooking

I'm on a one woman quest to stop "vaguebooking".

It drives me insane.

I've watched it on my friggin' newsfeed for what seems like eternity and I...have... had it! The entire point of Facebook is so that we can all satisfy our narcissistic craving for attention. Right?!?!? Well, that, and let's all admit everyone enjoys a little legal cyber-stalking. 

Facebook was invented so that you can share what you are up to with your friends and vice versa. In theory, if all of your "friends" are actually your friends- then you should be able to post whatever you'd like, right?!?! No need for ambiguity and anonymity- just tell us like it is. .......So why are we vaguebooking, people??!?!

For those of you who don't know, "Vaguebooking" is when you post vague/ mysterious/ enigmatic status updates. Here are a few examples:

"OMG."  :: That's it??? OMG what?? because"OMG I'm engaged" and "OMG they brought me ham instead of turkey" are on 2 completely different levels.

"Can't wait til fill in the day/date" ::  Is that when you leave on some fabulous vacay or are you taking your dog to the groomer?  You gotta finish the sentence!

"Some people are so rude" ::  Which people?!? What did they do? We know there are rude people in the world and you need to identify them for us! Because right now. in my book, that "some people" would be you, for leaving me hanging :)

**ones like this make me especially nuts-o because when I see it, I, being the everyone-please-like-me person that I am, automatically look at my last status to see if it could have offended said Vaguebooker. ....nope. Don't think "Can't wait to watch Modern Family tonight" qualifies as offensive.**

"(insert emoticon here)" :: Do I even need to explain this one?? You do know that by just posting a sad face someone (who is nicer than me) will inevitably post something along the lines of "aww, what happened?" or "I hope you're OK."  and you'll have to post an explanation anyway. I boycott those updates and refuse to ask (even though inside I'm just dyyyyying to know) out of sheer protest of your sucky emoticon-only post. Oh, and if you post only a smiley face I'm assuming you're pregnant. Even if you're a boy.

I could list for days. Obviously by posting your mysterious status, you want people to know that you are mad/ happy/ sad/ whatever... so either post the whole dadgum thing or don't post at all. There I said it.  I know... I'm a terrible person, but I'm surely not the only one...or am I???

Here are those same posts with some improvement...........

"OMG! My arm just fell off!"

"Can't wait til Saturday!! We're getting a dog" 

"Some people are so rude - jerk just peed in my ice cream" 

":) I love hot chocolate!"

 

See, It's not so difficult.

I'm beginning my quest to stop this heinous injustice to us nosey facebookers around the globe - right here on my little blog. I don't quite know what I'll do yet. 

I'm thinking something along the lines of when I see a vaguebooking violation, driving to their place of residence, confiscating their weapons (in this case computers, iPads, smartphones), removing all wine, chocolate, and baked goods (consider it a payment for my service), and forcing them to watch hours of Jersey Shore footage (that's the punishment portion). 

Or I can resort to what I normally do....blog about it, then do nothing. Any and all suggestions are most welcome.

Lets start a revolution.